My Interior Castle is a Minecraft Maze

I play Minecraft with my bonus nephew and nieces. You can build buildings, create a farm with animals, and you can dwell in a virtual life. My bonus nephew has made some incredible structures in this world of Minecraft. I hope that he gets the education and the guidance to pursue a career in graphic art, because he is very talented in the field of creating in the computer world. His sisters are creative in their building in this world too. Since you can build your “house” out of any building material, the youngest chooses to build out of TNT. It is the one time that she can make a mess and not get in trouble for it. Well, she does get in trouble if she blows up one of her siblings' buildings. I enjoy the time with them. My “houses” are very simple. I made one out of glass and torches because it was pretty. I tried to build a more complex home, but it ended up having stairs to nowhere and lots of tunnels. “Aunt Maria, are you building a Hobbit hole or a Castle?” inquired my bonus nephew. “I was trying for a Castle, but I don't know what I am doing.” “It looks like a maze.” remarked his oldest sister. “I'll help you, Aunt Maria.” replied the middle sister. She added more rooms, tunnels to my “Castle” and a few pigs just so I “would not get lonely when she left my castle”. I eventually had the youngest blow it up with TNT.

My spiritual life could also be compared to my attempted Minecraft Castle. For years, I built walls to protect myself from being hurt by others. Depending upon my relationship with a person, I might let them into certain rooms of my Castle, but not all of them. I did the same with Jesus too. “Jesus, you can come into these rooms that I have prepared for you. See the walls have pictures of my good deeds. Look these rooms also have my friends that I have approved are holy enough to be in my God rooms. Do not ask me about the others. In this room you can see a screening of me being holy in prayer and in works. Wait, Jesus, where are you going? No, those rooms are not clean!!! I don't think you can even fit in them, since they are filled with boxes. You don't need to see the trash that are in those boxes!” But that is where He wants to go. Sometimes He will remove walls block by block, because He sees something that I have enclosed and have forgotten about. The effect is like my youngest bonus niece blowing up my “Castle” with TNT.

You might be asking “Why would you allow Him to go through these so called boxes in rooms that you have blocked off if the effect is going to be devastating?”

Well, because I know that Jesus has my best interests in mind. He loves me. He doesn't want me to store up trash and hoard it! He wants to help me sort through the boxes so that I can make room in my castle. He wants to help me restructure it and rebuild it, so that all are welcome to meet Him within my Castle's walls. The truth is it's not really my Castle.   He has made me a steward or caretaker of it, but it's His Castle. He bought it a long time ago and He paid dearly for it.

Looking for the Holy Door of Mercy at the Hall of Justice

I have always liked superheros, who hasn't dreamed of having some kind of super power and taking out “bad guys”? In the summer, it was not uncommon for my sister, the 3 neighborhood girls and myself to play superheros. We had our swimsuits on so we felt like we were halfway there. I liked Marvel's Firestar

 and I cleverly named myself Starfire way before Teen Titans was even thought about and way before they created a hero by that name.

Like all superheros, we did have headquarters which was based at my house since it was located halfway between the other two neighborhood girls' houses. We named our home base...Hero Headquarters! At Hero Headquarters we would dream up “bad people” to encounter and fight.  Then with a battle cry we would set our plan into action. My apologies to my neighbors' trees as they usually portrayed the “bad people” that we were bringing to justice. It is what we superheros are called to do after all bring the “bad people” to justice...to the Hall of Justice.

I was thrilled to encounter the Hall of Justice recently in my visit to Six Flags in St. Louis. 

It is a thrilling ride where you wear 3D glasses and fire “laser” guns at villains while you ride in a car that spins and bucks on its track.

My friend and I had to wait for the thunderstorm to pass over Six Flags and we ended up waiting out the storm in the Hall of Justice. All rides were closed for safety reasons even this indoor ride. We hovered near the doorway of the Hall of Justice to watch the storm roll by. This wait made me think of another doorway...that of Mercy.

I am Catholic and Holy Doors mean something to me. For those of you that have continued to read I will explain. Pope Francis has declared it to be the Year of Mercy and an extraordinary year of Jubilee. What this has meant to me personally is that I have been able to encounter some Holy Doors on my travels. My favorite one being the one Holy Door that I witnessed being opened on the beginning of the Year ofMercy.  Now, I struggle with the idea that God is merciful. God is Loving, I completely believe, since God is Love. God is Just, I believe because He knows us so intimately in fact He knows us better than we do ourselves. But God is Mercy? How can God, who knows me better than myself forgive me when He knows me for the villain that I am? I mean I'm not a Supervillain. I haven't tried to take over the world and I haven't destroyed much property for the sake of fun (since beating up on trees from my superhero days). But I have said unkind things to the people I love (that cuts at their spirit), I have rushed passed those that are seeking help (no time or can't be bothered), and I have not always prayed for the villains in my life. If I were a superhero I would be showing these villains, who make my life difficult...mercy.  But I am a villain myself.  I have received mercy that I do not deserve, and to add to the villainy I do not always grant mercy when I have been given the opportunity.

God on the other hand does show Mercy to everyone. I am reminded of that fact every time I enter through a Holy Door during this Year of Mercy. I might have to open the door, but if I enter through that door I will encounter God's Mercy if I myself am open (like said door) to receive His Mercy. The other thing that a Holy Door of Mercy and the doorway to the Hall of Justice have in common...both of them provide shelter from the storm outside for both heroes and villains.

Waiting For Those Three Words

I'm curious what readers might be thinking when they read the title to this post. Mudanes (those who do not entertain geeky thoughts 100% of the time) probably look at the title and think the three words that I am referring to are “I am sorry” or “I love you.”

Geek girls will instantly shiver with excitement if they are a fan of a certain British Television series that has been around since the 1960's. The three words that I am referring to are...”I'm the Doctor.”

 I was introduced to this series called Doctor Who when I was in college. I worked at the public library while I was attending college and my friend and fellow co-worker suggested that I watch it. It was on late on Sunday evenings which was perfect since I did not have any shows to perform at that time slot, no rehearsals, no work and I just wanted to relax. The first episode I saw was The Black Orchid starring Peter Davison as the Doctor.

It was a little bit mystery, a little bit sci-fi and the main character was cute. I was sold on the show.

I loved the first show so much that I attended a local Doctor Who Convention in St. Louis and met...

 

 John Levine (Sgt. Benton)

 

 Sophie Aldred (Ace)

and

 

 John Lesson (The Voice of K-9)

 

Like an addict, I wanted to attend more conventions because the actors were fun to meet in person and the fan following was small, diverse and very intelligent. I was beside myself when it was announced for the 30^th Anniversary of Doctor Who that Peter Davison and Colin Baker would be at a Doctor Who Convention in Chicago, IL. My friend and I headed up to Chicago, IL Thanksgiving weekend where I met my favorite Doctor (number 5).

Me with Peter Davison (Doctor 5)

I followed Doctor Who during its dark time (when American Television tried their hand at it) and its now resurgence where the show has actually had premieres on the big screen even in the United States. Like many geek girls, I fell for David Tennant (number 10) and he actually surpasses Peter Davison. Though I was very happy when the two of them were in Time Crash together. It was the Doctor Who version of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade with two male leads that were both hunky to look at. Of course, I enjoy the fact that Tennant is Davison's son-in-law and a little freaked out too, because I remember Davison talking about his daughter Georgia at that Chicago convention that I first attended.

Okay.  Besides showing off my celebrity photo gallery, I actually do have a point to this post. Many of us geek girls imagine what we would do if The Doctor arrived in his TARDIS looking like David Tennant or Peter Davison opening the door and saying “I'm the Doctor” because we know that the next thing he would do is offer his hand out as an invitation to climb aboard into the TARDIS and be whisked away on an adventure. The invitation would be accepted before the words had left The Doctor's mouth. Many of us geek girls, like myself, might even run into the TARDIS before The Doctor stepped out because we would be so ready to accept the invitation to journey with him. Expecting one incarnation...

 

Who I would want (David Tennant number 10)

We might be surprised to encounter another

Who I might get (William Hartnell number 1)

I have to ask myself would I be so accepting of the same invitation? The Doctor is the same “person” (okay alien) I would have just encountered him in a different part of his time line. 

Here's the thing I have had a chance to encounter The Doctor and this time I don't mean the actors, who played him.  I can tell you that if you accept this Doctor's invitation you will be whisked away. I have been whisked away to watch a child while his twin brothers are being born.  I have been whisked away to perform shows that bring joy and laughter to those that hunger for a distraction.  I have been whisked away to hear the stories from an elderly woman, whose family has abandoned her to the nursing home that she now lives in.  These encounters and adventures with this Doctor do have an effect on you.  That was true of the companions of The Doctor on the show Doctor Who.  The companions would return home changed and they never could live their life the way they had been after spending time with The Doctor.  I, too, have been changed by my interaction with this Doctor.  He constantly urges to me to come out of my comfort zone, to follow Him and to help others as we travel together.  Life with this Doctor is thrilling, emotional, and sometimes dangerous.

So how did I find this Doctor, who has whisked me away and gave me experiences that have shaped me into who I am right now?  One day, I heard His call.  It was invitation and from what I understand He had been waiting for me.  Once I heard Him, I had to answer Him.  "Yes!  I want to go! Yes! I want to be with You!", so I opened the door to the TARDIS and walked in.  He was already waiting for me, expecting me, with His hand extended out to me and saying in my heart “I'm the Doctor.”

Waffling

I love waffles. Anytime that I am on tour, I make myself a waffle for breakfast. Any rookie that approaches the waffle iron (you can tell they are a rookie by how cautiously they fill the batter cup and how they are searching for directions to use the waffle iron), I am there to assist in how to make the perfect waffle. Waffle Woman to the rescue!!!

I am also a great waffler. Decisions that require thought and discernment will cause me to waffle. I have discovered that I am not alone.

This January, I started reading the court documents and testimony of Joan of Arc. During the actual court proceeding Joan was adamant that she had led the French against the English and made it possible for Charles to be crowned King of France, because she was following God's instructions. It was God's will not hers. Then from this same girl, who was so spirited in her retorts to her captors comes this on May 24 after having been publicly preached to in the Cemetery of St. Ouen and pressed to recant her story and her testimony. The Bishop begins to read her sentence and a written form of abjuration is presented to her.

I am content to do what you will have me.

I would rather sign it than burn.

Now, you churchmen, take me to your prison, and let me be no longer in the hands of the English.

When I read those words my heart fell. Here was my hero denying everything that God had given her and blessed her to witness. Here she was buckling to her captors after months of standing up to them during a relentless trial. Here at the place of her sentencing, she gives into their demands.

I felt like I did the first time I saw The Return of the King (the cartoon version) and then later when I read the book. You travel with Frodo through numerous challenges and trials. He is ready to complete his quest by throwing the Ring into Mt. Doom...and he can not destroy it. At the age of 5, I was yelling at Frodo to throw in the Ring and run. I felt absolutely betrayed that Frodo would even think of not destroying it after all this time. He waffles and tries to justify why he should not destroy the Ring. Thank goodness he experiences an intervention at the right moment.

Joan must have received an intervention too for the next day on May 28^th from her prison cell she says...

What I said, I said for fear of the fire.

My voices have told me since that I did a very wicked thing in confessing that what I had done was not well done.

They told me that God, by Saint Catherine and Saint Margaret, gave me to know the great pity of the treason that I consented to by making that abjuration and revocation to save my life, and that I was damning myself to save my life.

If I should say that God had not sent me, I should damn myself. It is true that God has sent me.

Joan was burned at the stake on May 30^th. The Church recognizes her feast day on this day and I chose to make this the day to be the day I start my very public and very personal blog. In a way, this is a death to myself because I am throwing my thoughts, my reflections and my geekiness into the unforgiving, flames of the internet. I do not have to do this but I believe that after much prayer, discernment and waffling about this decision that I should follow through. It seems like the right thing to do. So here I go...off the waffle iron and into the fire.

St. Joan of Arc, pray for me and all those who waffle.