Seeing Through A Glass Darkly

“For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.” 1 Corinthians 13:12

St. Paul is describing how we see God now and how we one day will see God. This verse has been on my mind a lot just because of the play on words of 20/20 Vision in the Year 2020. 20/20 Vision is to see clearly. I may think I can see clearly what the year holds by looking at my calendar, but I know that it holds so much more than dates, events, appointments, and celebrations. I know though I can not see where and when that it will hold encounters with people, whom I have not met yet; disappointments, surprises, mundane works that need to be done but are not worthy of space on the calendar; unexpected reunions, and the unscheduled moments with God. I love the latter the most because I can not plan for those times. Those times are always so enriching and energizing.

I believe that because God created us that we have this desire inside of us to seek Him, to know Him, so that we might love Him for who He is. When we encounter Him in another person we see Him with blurry vision, because the person we are looking at is full of flaws, brokenness and darkness. They are a smoky glass to us and we are a smoky glass to them. But on this earth this is the only way we can bear to look at the Son during our eclipse because He is too brilliant for us to look at directly. We would be blinded.

I recently rewatched The Last Jedi where Rey goes into the cave and looks into a frozen wall hoping it will reveal the truth about her parents instead the ice clears to reveal her reflection. I feel like that is what we as pilgrims do is we search for truth and end up encountering our backwards selves. We long for the other side of the mirror, the clearer side of the glass, the undiscovered country. I feel a great sympathy for those that do not know Jesus. They yearn for the other side but they honestly do not know what or better who is on the other side. I can understand the frustration that must happen with them as they feel a pull, a call, a nudge to seek...but they do not know where to start. I know Jesus and I feel the pull, the call, the nudge to seek Him because He is infinitely more. I will never fully know who He is on this earth, but when I do see Him face to face I will know Him fully. I will be able to handle this knowledge in the new body that He will give me. This body that is not made up of flaws, brokenness, darkness will allow me to experience Jesus fully and completely, because I too will finally be full and complete. This smoky glass will be made clear and new.  The process actually starts now on earth on this side of the mirror with His help and with the help of others, for we are called to be in communion with Him and with each other.

My vision for this year is that I will continue to see Jesus in other's smoky glasses like myself.  Jesus will shine through them and myself so that while on this earth this stained glass will at least be a thing of beauty. Stained glass is always beautiful when the Son is shining through it.

The Hero's Offer of Mercy

(this does contain spoilers regarding the new Wonder Woman movie)

I saw the new Wonder Woman movie. I seriously want to learn some of the stunts Gal Gadot or her stunt double does in the movie and though I never thought I would cosplay a super hero. I kind of want the armor, shield, sword and lasso. There was so much that I liked about the character of Diana Prince, her compassion for others, her sense of honor, and her humility in her wisdom. She was not a know-it-all nor did she put down her counterpart for his lack of wisdom. She constantly called those around her to step-up and be accounted for what is right.

Like all heros she has an epic battle scene, but before the battle begins she is offered a choice to help destroy mankind, which is pitiful and wicked OR offer mankind mercy and assist people by calling them to be better. Wonder Woman chooses to offer mankind mercy and demonstrates this choice by not killing the woman that invented poisonous gases intended to destroy many human lives.

Super Heros are not the only ones that point out that we should offer mercy to our enemies first. St. Joan of Arc offers to the English soldiers stationed in the city of Orleans an invitation of mercy...

”You Englishmen, who have no right in this Kingdom of France, the King of Heaven sends you word and warning, by me Jehanne the Maid, to abandon your forts and depart into your own country, or I will raise such a war-cry against you as shall be remembered forever. And this I write to you for the third and last time, nor shall I write further.” (Letter dated May 5, 1429)

The English ignored the invitation and replied with insults and mockery. Joan and the French soldiers attacked the English and drove them out of the city of Orleans.

William Shakespeare pens probably the greatest speech on mercy in The Merchant of Venice and gives it to his heroine Portia, who delivers it disguised as a lawyer in the famous trial scene where Mercy and Justice are being weighed.

“The quality of mercy is not strain'd;

It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven

Upon the place beneath: it is twice bless'd;

It blesseth him that gives and him that takes:

'Tis mightiest in the mightiest, it becomes

The throned monarch better than his crown,

His sceptre shows the force of temporal power,

The attribute to awe and majesty,

Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings;

But mercy is above this scepter'd sway,-

It is enthroned in the heart of kings,

It is an attribute to God himself;

And earthly power doth then show likest God's

When mercy seasons justice. Therefore, Jew,

Though justice be thy plea consider this-

That in the course of justice none of us

Should see salvation: we do pray for mercy;

And that same prayer doth teach us all to render

The deeds of mercy. I have spoke thus much

To mitigate the justice of thy plea;

Which if thou follow, this strict court of Venice

Must needs give sentence 'gainst the merchant

there.”

The hero and the saint offer mercy because it is an extension of the mercy that has been given to ALL of us by God. God constantly gives us a second chance, offers us mercy and loves us in spite of us being despicable, wicked creatures.  It is up to each of us to choose to accept the invitation of God's mercy and love.  It is also up to each of us to offer mercy to others even though we might wish for strict, uncompromising justice.  I wish to be a Hero and accept the hand of mercy instead of being a prisoner in the Hall of Justice.

The Need For Epic Soundtracks

Cue the Epic Soundtrack!

I love soundtracks to movies! I remember when the trailer for the first installment of The Hobbit came out. After the dwarves had sung Misty Mountain and then the title of The Hobbit appeared, I turned to my husband said “Even if the movie is lousy I want the soundtrack.” Every time I drive through twisty turning roads, hills or even mountains and especially if a trace of fog is upon them, I hum the Misty Mountain song. At that moment I need an epic soundtrack to capture the moment.

Misty Mountain in West Virginia

I also love to fight to epic soundtracks. I own my own stage combat group, Swords and Roses®, and I teach stage combat. Sometimes to spice up a well-known bit of choreography or to remind the fighters of the mood of the fight I will add some soundtrack for fighting. Suddenly, postures improves, energy ensues, and a well known fight becomes interesting to watch.

Why do I love to put soundtracks in moments of my life? I think it is to pull me out of the ordinary and let my imagination make it extrordinary. I think I am looking for something bigger than myself and the soundtrack makes my seeking...my quest...an epic adventure.

The Girl in Armor

It is known among my friends and even acquaintances that I am such a Star Wars Fan Girl that when big Star Wars news breaks, I get texts, messages and emails about it. That could not be more true than when news broke on December 27, 2016 that Carrie Fisher (Princess Leia of Star Wars) has passed away. Princess Leia was an amazing role model for so many girls that were growing up at the same time I was. I have no idea how many girls dressed up like Princess Leia for Halloween of 1977, but I am certain there were a few. And though Princess Leia did impress me as a little girl, I was already following the footsteps of another princess.

One of my earliest memories as a girl was watching the animated movie of The Lord of the Rings. Whatever station was airing it stretched the movie out to last at least 2 evenings maybe even 4. I was entranced with the storyline of Frodo the Hobbit on his quest to rid the Ring into the fires of Mount Doom. What hooked me even more so was the character of Eowyn. The Princess of the Rohan people, who disguises herself as a knight so that she can fight for her people and be with the man she loved. After viewing the movie to its conclusion, I would re-enact one scene over and over again. It is the scene where the The Witch King is on its flying beast and it is getting ready to finish Theodon. A knight (Eowyn in disguise) steps in front of Theodon to protect him. The Witch King lets out a hideous, screeching laugh and says “Thou fool does thou not know the prophecy no living man may hinder me.” Eowyn steps forward sword in hand and says “No man am I.” She pulls off her helmet revealing her golden hair which falls down her back “I am a woman. I am Eowyn. Theodon's neice.” 

The Confrontation of Evil

 Eowyn destroys the Witch King and in the animated version (spoiler alert) Eowyn marries Aragorn the man she loves. Imagine a six year old girl wearing a pot on her head (if my mother didn't catch me), armed with a stick and her saucer sled facing her hill that looked like a mountain and pretending it was a the nightmarish Witch King. It must have been an entertaining sight for the neighbors.

I grew up with that image. Anytime I would face what I considered a major menace in my life, I would picture myself as Eowyn in battle armor. Witch King, Nazguls and Orcs beware.

When I read the books in middle school and reached the end of Return of the King, I had the surprise of my life when (spoiler alert) Eowyn does not end up with Aragorn. I actually threw the book against the wall. “What on earth was wrong with this Tolkien guy?!” I forgot about it and read it again as a young adult and had the same reaction. The animated series had made such a strong impression on me that I would completely forget that little detail until it was thrown at me again. It is here that I need to apologize to those of you that were in the audience when I viewed Peter Jackson's movie version of The Return of the King and it is quite obvious that Aragorn ends up with Arwen and Eowyn ends up with Faramir. I blew a gasket. “What?!!! She ends up with Faramir!!!” I turned to my husband “I can't believe this! Do we have to stay?” I'm thankful my husband encouraged me to stay because the ending with the hobbits is beautiful.

So what is the point of my ranting? I have lived my life with my favorite princess slaying the dragon disguised as a knight and getting the guy, who was a king disguised as a ranger. I desperately wanted to learn how to fence just so that I could wield a sword. I started studying the art of swordplay when I was in my twenties and now part of my living is in stage combat shows and teaching stage combat workshops.

  Only two times in my life have I had short hair, otherwise, I have had long hair trailing down my back. It became blonde again when I turned 16. You can see how much this character meant to me and the affect it had on my life.

Another one would arrive to join Eowyn when I was in my twenties. I was reminded of Eowyn when I saw a movie starring LeeLee Sobroski as Joan of Arc in a made for TV movie. 

 That character also dressed in armor and fought in a battle. She loved her earthly king, but not in the same way as Eowyn had because Joan loved a greater King. To my twenty year old eyes at the time I viewed that movie, Joan's story ends up even more tragic than Eowyn's. Joan was captured, tied to the stake and burned alive.

Why was I drawn to these women, who wore armor, who fought in battles against evil, who loved their kings dearly enough to put their lives at risk and who had dreadful endings to their stories according to my not-yet-catechized mind . Where was the reward for their well fought fights?

 Eowyn

Joan

Three evenings in May of 2008 as I slumbered near EWTN studios located in Irondale, AL, I would wake up from a startling reoccurring dream. I was dressed in armor and facing an unseen menace that surrounded me. In the dream is was so dark that I could not see in front of me, but I knew that I was surrounded by this evil. I also knew that I was not alone. I was back to back with a woman clad in armor and because she was left-handed as I am we were completely protected. My shield protected her sword arm and her shield protected my sword arm. I was not afraid because I knew that I was not alone. I would wake up before the battle began but I would say as soon as I did wake up “No man am I. I am Eowyn.” I would laugh at myself for being silly and then wonder to myself, “Who was the girl in the armor?

When I became Catholic in April 11, 2009, I chose St. Joan of Arc as my confirmation saint because in some way I thought that she was the girl in armor that had my back in my dream or at least I liked that idea the it was Joan, who had my back. When I discovered maybe 2 years later that Joan was supposed to have been left-handed it has just supported my notion.

I guess the imaginary Eowyn heroine figure led to my true life Joan of Arc heroine figure. They have given me examples of how I can face the darkness of evil by drawing my sword, pulling off my helmet to reveal that I am a woman. I too wear armor...the armor of God and I am His daughter.

The Way of the Jedi

A Jedi always has his friend's back

My 5 year old niece was starting to get into the Star Wars universe. Her parents showed her The Phantom Menance, The Attack of the Clones, and A New Hope. She has been reading words since she was 3 or 4, so the precocious imp was reading Star Wars for beginning readers. We were settling in her tree house to read some Star Wars when she looked at me in all seriousness. “Tia Maria, I do not want to go to the Dark Side.” “Why are you worried about going to the Dark Side?” I asked. “Anakin was a good boy but some how he went to the Dark Side and he became Darth Vader.”

Knowing the few movies that she had seen, I went this route. “Let's think about a few things. Anakin left his Mom to become a Jedi, so he did not have his Mom around to guide him and to give him advice. Anakin had two very different friendships one with Obi-Wan Kenobi, who became his main teacher and one with Senator Palpatine. Obi-Wan would talk to Anakin about patience and perseverance as being the way of the Jedi. Palpatine would twists words or says things that were slightly true, but not completely true. Anakin would end up confused and angry after having talked to Palpatine. Now, Palpatine is part of the Dark Side of the Force, the side that feeds off of anger, hatred and fear and Obi-Wan is part of the Light Side of the Force that focuses on patience, perseverance and self-sacrifice. If you do not wish to go to the Dark Side then you must surround yourself with friends that are like Obi-Wan. Now you have Mommy and Daddy, your grandparents, your uncle and myself to help you choose the Light Side, do you have any other friends that can help you?” She thought a bit and then her face lit up. “Yes. Jesus!” I agreed. “He is the best friend to have to keep you from the Dark Side.” and then I went on “For He is the Way and the Truth and the Light.” “He is the Light Side!” She crowed. “Well done, Padawan, well done.”

Into the Garbage Chute, Flyboy!

The quote above is one that will conjure up a certain image among Star Wars fans. The image from Episode IV: A New Hope where Luke, Leia, Han and Chewbacca end up in a trash compactor.

 When I was thinking about blogging I knew I wanted a Doctor Who motif, but when I started imagining my TARDIS it resembled that of a trash compactor on the Death Star complete with a Dianoga.

 On Doctor Who the entrance and control panel in The Doctor's TARDIS is clean with no hint of the adventures that its occupants have experienced on the outside.

The Doctor's TARDIS Control Panel 

 Since The Doctor's TARDIS is “bigger on the inside than it is on the outside”, there are other rooms that viewers see that are cluttered from the adventures The Doctor and his Companions have experienced.

This looks more like my office!

My TARDIS is a trash compactor. One look into my office and you will see this geek girl surrounded by books, action figures, more books, props, magazines, swords and...even more books. Adorning one of the walls is an old Smurf poster with the saying “Geniuses are rarely tidy”. “I think you live that creed.” My husband once commented, but he was soon silenced when I pointed to his man cave that houses his comics, games, books, miniatures, graphic novels, game system layouts...and gaming books.

So why am I talking trash? I am surrounded by it. Some of it I don't think I can part with EVER!!! Some of it I don't have the heart to get rid of because someone gave it to me as a gift and I am sentimental. Some of it I am actually getting rid of and I rejoice at that feeling of cleaning, detaching and letting go. But more keeps finding its way into my office...my TARDIS...my sanctuary.

That reminds me of another TARDIS. As I mentioned in one of my first articles, I imagine the Church is a kind of TARDIS. This TARDIS is clean and pristine and gives much more of a sense of what The Doctor's TARDIS would be. Therefore, I am always surprised when I discover trash in the TARDIS. It actually feels like an assault on all my senses. I travel a lot and in my travels I encounter inside Churches the good, the bad and the downright ugly. We are talking Dianoga creature ugly.

Who me?

One time I was at such a Church (let's call it St. Dianoga's to protect the innocent) and I felt disgust for the way the pews faced away from the tabernacle that houses Jesus and the lack of reverence as people were filing out of the pews to receive Our Lord and Savior. I know I am a prude. I do not usually watch people on their way up to receive Jesus unless they are drawing attention to themselves.  Instead of approaching Jesus with reverence and respect, the people of St. Dianoga's were slapping each other on the backs, talking about their golf game and treating the Reception line more like a buffet line. I prayed “Lord, do I go up? Can I receive you?” I was surprised to get a response. “Come to the Cross.” I went up, I focused on the crucifix that was mounted on the wall behind the priest and I received Him. I went back to my pew and prayed. “Lord, why today? Why? Why of all places do you talk to me amongst the trash?” The response once again was “Come to the Cross.”

I was surprised to find Him among the trash and the putrescence of St. Dianoga's. To this day I still ponder “Why of all places, Lord, did you answer me from among the trash?” I certainly was not expecting Him to be in the trash compactor, but there He was. Yet as I think of that moment, I am reminded that though Our Lord dined with the wealthy and the well off He was more often found with the undesirables, the misfits...dare I say it...the trash. These broken people were so broken that they heard Him and they listened to His message of mercy. As I sit among my trash compactor TARDIS I can't help but wonder...Is He calling out to me from amongst this trash too? I can't really hear Him like I did that day at St. Dianoga's. But if He is calling out to me from amongst this trash, maybe I better start clearing out the clutter, maybe I better start looking for Him so that I can find Him and hear Him better.

My Interior Castle is a Minecraft Maze

I play Minecraft with my bonus nephew and nieces. You can build buildings, create a farm with animals, and you can dwell in a virtual life. My bonus nephew has made some incredible structures in this world of Minecraft. I hope that he gets the education and the guidance to pursue a career in graphic art, because he is very talented in the field of creating in the computer world. His sisters are creative in their building in this world too. Since you can build your “house” out of any building material, the youngest chooses to build out of TNT. It is the one time that she can make a mess and not get in trouble for it. Well, she does get in trouble if she blows up one of her siblings' buildings. I enjoy the time with them. My “houses” are very simple. I made one out of glass and torches because it was pretty. I tried to build a more complex home, but it ended up having stairs to nowhere and lots of tunnels. “Aunt Maria, are you building a Hobbit hole or a Castle?” inquired my bonus nephew. “I was trying for a Castle, but I don't know what I am doing.” “It looks like a maze.” remarked his oldest sister. “I'll help you, Aunt Maria.” replied the middle sister. She added more rooms, tunnels to my “Castle” and a few pigs just so I “would not get lonely when she left my castle”. I eventually had the youngest blow it up with TNT.

My spiritual life could also be compared to my attempted Minecraft Castle. For years, I built walls to protect myself from being hurt by others. Depending upon my relationship with a person, I might let them into certain rooms of my Castle, but not all of them. I did the same with Jesus too. “Jesus, you can come into these rooms that I have prepared for you. See the walls have pictures of my good deeds. Look these rooms also have my friends that I have approved are holy enough to be in my God rooms. Do not ask me about the others. In this room you can see a screening of me being holy in prayer and in works. Wait, Jesus, where are you going? No, those rooms are not clean!!! I don't think you can even fit in them, since they are filled with boxes. You don't need to see the trash that are in those boxes!” But that is where He wants to go. Sometimes He will remove walls block by block, because He sees something that I have enclosed and have forgotten about. The effect is like my youngest bonus niece blowing up my “Castle” with TNT.

You might be asking “Why would you allow Him to go through these so called boxes in rooms that you have blocked off if the effect is going to be devastating?”

Well, because I know that Jesus has my best interests in mind. He loves me. He doesn't want me to store up trash and hoard it! He wants to help me sort through the boxes so that I can make room in my castle. He wants to help me restructure it and rebuild it, so that all are welcome to meet Him within my Castle's walls. The truth is it's not really my Castle.   He has made me a steward or caretaker of it, but it's His Castle. He bought it a long time ago and He paid dearly for it.